When the third child is born, the third child within a four year time frame, you sometimes look forward to fast forwarding through all of the baby phases and milestones because you’ve “been there, done that” and know that some of those phases are ones you really wish you could just wish away. But there are also the times when your nine month old falls asleep in your arms and you look down at that sweet chubby face and realize that it wont be much longer that you get to hold your baby as she sleeps. And you get teary eyed. But it quickly passes because the two year old just got out of bed and is crying because something somewhere within a five mile radius of your house made a noise. Sigh. So you lay the baby down and let her sleep in her own space and tend to the two year old and you don’t go back to pick up the baby because you don’t want to dare wake her. Then its tomorrow and you just try to get through the day, hopefully without tears. Your tears – the kids are guaranteed to cry at some point. You rush the four year old to pre-school, you try to potty train the two year old who is just not having it and you, for the ONE MILLIONTH time that hour, try to prevent the baby from climbing the stairs of doom. You’re tired, exhausted, you have foggy mom brain and you have to set a timer on your phone to remind you to go pick up the four year old from pre-school. Each day goes like this. Each day is long and you’re exhausted. And the year passes. And another. And your babies grow. They start elementary school and before you know it, your last child, your baby is in Pre-K.
Towards the end of the school year your child in Pre-K will bring home a school photo of her in a Pre-K Graduation cap & gown. Is Pre-K Graduation even a real thing? And you have a wave of anxiousness come over you that your baby is going to start kindergarten soon. Is that anxiousness joy, as in, you will have all three kids in school all at the same time and you will have a few hours a day for yourself to get things done, like scrub the baseboards; or is it anxiousness that your baby will now be a “big kid” riding the bus to school and you will no longer have your little sidekick to sit and eat lunch with everyday? You smile at the picture and put it in a frame and your day continues. The week passes. Then another. Before you know it you are being assaulted by the overwhelming amount of papers your children are bringing home. They need $20 for this activity and you have to send in popcicles for that activity and you need to send in money to the room mom for the teacher gift and volunteer at Field Day and every bit of your time and money is being pulled at in every which way. As your flipping through all these papers and trying to keep track of who needs to be where on what day with what amount of money, snack or t-shirt, there is that one “official” looking form that stops you in your tracks. Its the form notifying you of when Kindergarten enrollment is. You just sit and stare at it for a minute. You read the dates, you read the details as to what forms you will need to enroll your child and then you realize that the anxiousness you felt was not joy. Not at all. In that moment you realize just how much you are going to miss having that little person by your side all day long. And you quickly forget all the bad days, the days where you just couldn’t stand to be around them even for just one more second. You can only recall the good days. The days filled with lots of laughs and giggles. The days just the two of you went to the park to play. The days where you went shopping together and realized your five year old is a little fashionista and wants every dress in the store. The days when you went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and shared an ice cream together. Even the boring days where you just stayed home to clean the house, but there she was at your side asking how she could help; as a result I have a lot of streaky windows in my house.
This week, I enroll my five year old, my Pre-K graduate, my little sidekick, my BABY in Kindergarten. I am not ready to let go yet. As much as I will come to learn to enjoy the time and the silence that I have not had for the last nine years, I am just not ready. Not yet. This is my baby girl. My little sidekick, my best friend. How do I let go so easily? She, however, is so ready to take on Kindergarten by storm. I have no doubt at all that she will get to Kindergarten and be like, “Let’s get this party started”! I will pray for her teacher.
She is ready to go out into this world and make her mark. She is fearless. She is determined in all things she does. She is a good friend with a kind heart. She is wicked smart and incredibly athletic. She is a leader. And she has the sweetest smile you have ever seen. She is my baby.
“Though she be but little, she is fierce!” ~ William Shakespeare
southernyankeephotography.wordpress.com 